You smell like a Billy Joel song
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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