Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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