It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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