May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
