Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
