Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
