I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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