Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
