Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
