When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
