It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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