Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
