God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
