Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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