I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
