girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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