ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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