Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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