i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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