I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
