i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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