Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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