these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
birth control should be required to get into college
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
