I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
