I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
