Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dick has a subreddit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
