I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
