Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
