If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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