he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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