I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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