Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
