Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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