does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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