sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
