my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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