remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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