can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
