:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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