I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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