I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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