everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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