I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
