There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You're like the curious george of whores
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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