i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
