I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
