Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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