a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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