She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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