He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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